


In My Dreams

by FlightoftheFantasies



Series: Shattered Dreams [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-29 15:02:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlightoftheFantasies/pseuds/FlightoftheFantasies
Summary: Dreams are meant to be a way for us to work through our problems. In dreams, we escape to our greatest wish, or is it forced into our worst nightmare?





	In My Dreams

Bucky comes awake to the feel of a soft hand stroking his stubbled cheek. He gives a low groan, squinting his eyes to the bright light of the sun. He has to blink a few times to focus his sight. 

“Wake up sleepy head, time to get up.”

A sweet, female voice calls out to him. Bucky jerks up eyes going wide and backs away,

“Ainslee? W-what? H-how?”

Ainslee giggles softly, “What is wrong with you Bucky? You act like you saw a ghost.” the smile falls slightly, becoming sad, “Are you okay?” 

She reaches out to cup his cheek. The feel of her touch knocks Bucky out of his trance, she is really here. Ainslee is really right in front of him. She is alive and here with him. Before Ainslee can even blink Bucky has grabbed her and wrapping her tightly in his arms. He buries his face into her neck, breathing in her scent. He pulls her down on to the bed with him, holding her body close to his, refusing to let go.

Ainslee is shocked by his actions, but she is not going to complain. She wraps her arms around Bucky’s back, stroking his back and hums softly.

They remain locked in the others arms, not moving. Bucky never wants to let her go, he has his girl back. Pulling his head out of her neck and stare at Ainslee with an amazed look in his eyes, 

“What? Why are you looking at me like that? You’re being so weird.” 

“I, I love you Ainslee; and I’m so sorry. Sorry for everything.”

Ainslee turns to better look at Bucky, concern written on her face, “Sorry? Sorry for what? Bucky what wrong?”

Why is she acting like this? Why is she acting like he did not allow her to be hurt to save Natasha? Why is she acting as though she has forgiven him so easily for all the pain that he has caused her. It hurts to think how he let her go, letting her fall because of his actions. His sight blurs with unshed tears.

“I hurt you.”

She smiles, “Silly man, you would never hurt me. Do not cry Bucky. I am right here and as you can see, I am not hurt anywhere. Now if you mean that you have done something that will emotionally hurt me, then we need to talk mister.”

She tried to keep a stern voice, only to end up giggling, leaving Bucky confused.

“Ainslee…”

“Bucky, I don’t know what kind of dream you had, but it was not real. Everything between us is perfect. The last argument we had was because you refuse to put the toilet seat down and that causes problems when i go to the bathroom at night still half asleep.”

“B-but…” Bucky stutters.

His mind going to the true last argument they had. Ainslee had fought with him about him spending too much time with Natasha. He swore that there had been nothing going on, even though that was not the whole truth. He wants to confess, but she is acting like it never happened. 

Has something happened to her to affect her memory? If he says something, could that do more damage? Would it possibly be better to say nothing until a better time? And why ruin this moment right now? Why ruin what he has been wanting back since… since that day. 

Bucky finally smile, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “You are right. M’sorry, I guess I just let a dream get to me.

Ainslee smiles up at him, her arms moving to wrap around his neck, playing with his hair that is tied at the base of his neck. Leaning up just enough, she presses her lips against his in a sweet and innocent kiss. It feels like forever since he last able to kiss her and he was not going to waste this opportunity. 

He gently rolls her over onto her back, nipping at her bottom lip. What starts off as a sweet and innocent kiss becomes heated and full of need. Ainslee moans into the kiss, tugging at his hair and writhing against him.Though, he is not going to push her too far too soon, Bucky does not allow things to go past some heavy petting. 

When they are out of breath and lips bruised and swollen, Ainslee curls into Bucky and they both fall back to sleep.

Bucky wakes up a while later, holding onto her pillow. Running his hand over Ainslee’s side of the bed Bucky finds her gone and the bed cold. He sits up and tries to listen for a hint of movement from somewhere in the apartment. But there is nothing.

“Ainslee… Ainslee!”

Bucky shots out of bed, running about the apartment searching for any sign of Ainslee. The house is bare of any presence of her. The light that was once there has now turned to dark without Ainslee. 

“No… no… no!”

Bucky yells, slamming his fist into the wall out of hurt and frustration. 

It was all a dream, a cruel dream that brought her back to him for a short while. But why? Why give her back to him only to rip her away once more? Why must he suffer through losing her over and over again.

Night after night, being plagued by dreams of Ainslee still being alive. Being lead to believe that there is a possibility for them to be happy again. A happiness that will never be.  
Bucky weakly staggers back to his room, collapsing onto the bed. He pulls Ainslee’s pillow tight to his chest, her scent long faded away. The tears he has been holding back fall feely now, soaking the pillow he holds. 

Oh the pain to dream and remember all he wishes to forget. How he wishes he could fall asleep and never dream again. Then he will be able to finally escape the ghost of Ainslee, escape how he failed her because he was blinded by the difference between lust and love. He Ken now that he only lusted after Natasha and the idea of something familiar from their shared and similar past. But Ainslee, Ainslee he was and still is in love with her. She is and forever his girl; Bucky would give anything to try and make up all indiscretions he made towards her, just to hear her say “I love you” again.

Tears continue to fall until Bucky is physically and mentally exhausted. The exhaustion takes hold of him and he falls back into a restless sleep. Only to dream of Ainslee once again.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
“Steve? When do you think he will wake up? I hate seeing him like this.” 

Bucky can hear a muffled female voice talking beside him. The soft voice is full of worry, sounding so sad, she sounds as though she has been crying. She sounds so familiar yet he cannot place where he might know her, or who she might even be. He tries to open his eyes, but his body is not listening to him. His eyes feel heavy, his head is fuzzy and his whole body hurts. Did Thor slip him some of that Asgardian alcohol and get him drunk? Because this is one hell of a hangover.

“I know, it’s not we can even convince ourselves he is just sleeping when he gets so fitful and causes the nurses to worry.” this he is clearly able to identify as Steve’s voice, “The doctor said it could be awhile before he wakes up, considering the trauma he sustained in the fight. His body is mostly healed, but his mind, well…” 

The woman sighs, Bucky can hear some type of movement, “I am going to go get us something to eat. Maybe stop by my place and take a shower and a change of clothes. Call me right away if he wakes up.”

“Okay. Be safe.”

Lips gently press against his forehead, “Please wake up Bucky. I need you to come back to me. Please.”

Bucky struggles against his own body, willing himself to open his eyes. He needs to know the owner of the voice, he needs to know what happened and why he feels as if he as been hit by a mac truck. He groans, fingers twitching, 

“Bucky?” Steve questions in surprise.

Bucky moves again, more than just his fingers twitching. Steve jumps from his chair and rushed out to call for the doctor. The doctor who has been treating Bucky rushes into the room and starts calling to Bucky. Asking him questions and checking his vitals. To Steve’s surprise and relief, Bucky answers, slowly and slightly slurred, but he answers.  
Eventually, the doctor leaves, happy with the results of his assessment of Bucky. He told Steve that he would be back in another hour for a follow up and the schedule some extra test to be safe.

“How long have I been out?” Bucky groans out, trying to sit up. 

Steve goes over and helps Bucky sit the bed up and get a little more comfortable.

“A while, nearly two weeks.”

“Wha happened?

“What do you remember?” Steve’s question has Bucky’s mind flash back to the fight.

It was all cloudy, blending together and he is not able to make sense of anything. He can remember seeing Natasha, and Ainslee is there as well. But how? How could she have been there? She should not be there! He remembers calling out to Natasha as a warning and running towards Natasha. But then things changes and get all confusing; images blur together, and it feels like wires have been crossed. Instead of Natasha he sees Ainslee, is calling out for her, not Natasha. 

Is, is that what happened? Did he save Ainslee and not Natasha? Is Ainslee still alive? Did Natasha die? Did, did he still end up sacrificing one to save the other? B-but could Ainslee really be alive?

The heart rate monitor begins to spike and sounds an alarm for the nurses as to the increase in his heart rate.

Steve stands beside to try and talk Bucky down before the nurses rush back into the room, “Bucky, calm down. Everything is alright. The doctor said that things might be fuzzy for a little while and is to be expected. You need to calm down!”

“A-Ain-slee… s-she… N-Nat...”

Bucky struggles to speak through his panic and the pain now coursing through his body. 

“What the hell is going on! I told you to all me if he wakes up!”

Steve turns to the door, but Bucky cannot see who he is talking to, “Sorry, there was not much time. He woke up and started freaking up.”

Whoever came through the door rushes to the side of the bed and pushes Steve out of the way. She cups his face and forces him to look at her,

“Bucky, look at me. Breath…”

Her fingers run through his hair in a soothing manner and almost instantly Bucky calms, “A-Ainslee…”

She gives him a gentle smile, “Yes, Bucky, I am right here.”

With Bucky finally calm, the nurses leave to room so that just Steve and Ainslee are there with Bucky. Ainslee tries to move back, but Bucky grabs her hand and tugs her back to him, his eyes pleading for her to stay close. She nods, sitting beside him on the bed, holding his hand and running her thumb over his knuckles. 

Bucky’s blue eyes do not leave Ainslee, afraid that if he blinks then she will disappear on him. 

“What’d you remember Buck?” Ainslee asks softly, not wanting to upset him again.

“I-I don’t know…” 

Between Steve and Ainslee they begin to explain, filling in the blanks where his memory cuts off and blends together. They explain how during the fight Bucky threw himself in front of Ainslee, pushing her out of the way from. But the blast that he took for Ainslee sent him and Ainslee flying into a wall. Bucky has used his body to protect her from any major damage. It was just thankful that after that they were able to put an end to the fight fairly quickly. Ainslee had stayed with him the whole time, trying to stop the bleeding from his head under control, they had to force her away so the EMT’s could get to him. 

Bucky is sure that there is something else that she is keeping from him, but will not say with Steve around.

Steve finishes off telling him about his injuries and how Ainslee as barely left his side. 

Steve leaves Bucky and Ainslee to talk in private. He goes to inform the others that Bucky is awake and doing well. He even tells them that he will be back in the morning with some stuff for them. 

A nurse comes into the room before Bucky and Ainslee could talk more to help Bucky shower and change into some clean clothes and Ainslee had brought for him. Once he is settled back on the bed, he pats the spot next to him for her to sit and is reaching for her hand once more. 

“There is something that you left out with Steve here isn’t it?” Bucky questions her as soon as the nurse is gone, not wasting anytime.

Ainslee bows her head, looking at their joined hands. 

“Before you… before you passed out, you looked me in the eye and…”

He gives her a curious look, but says nothing. Ainslee takes a deep breath “and you said that you were sorry and would always love me.”

“I do love you Ainslee.” Bucky says softly.

She feels emotions bubble up in her. She has to look away from him, she just cannot believe him anymore when he says that he loves her. Not after their last conversation was of her accusing him of cheating on her with Natasha. Not after Wanda told her that she saw them together in an intimate embrace.

Ainslee closes her eyes, letting out a deep sigh before speaking, “Bucky, Natasha explained thing to me. Explained that there were feelings between the two of you, but before things got too far you broke it off. But I just...”

“I swear it Lee, I did break things off with Natasha. I never meant to hurt you!”

“But what about…?”

“What?” Bucky pushes.

“Wands told me that she saw you and Natasha together. She said you slept together.”

Bucky’s eye widen, “No! We never, never, slept together Ainslee. We did kiss, that might have been what Wanda saw, but it never went past that, because I realized just how big of a mistake I was making. I was lost in the memories of our past together and the feeling of familiarity. But I have no real excuse for what I did and nothing I can say will ever make right what I did.”

Ainslee goes quiet for a moment, collecting her thoughts, 

“Do you remember, our last night together, the fight before, well everything?” she asks him in a small voice.

“Yes…”

“You remember I asked you if you had to pick one of us to save which would it be? You saved me Bucky. In the heat of the moment, without thinking twice, your first instinct was to save me. I said it before and I will say it again, I do not want to make you have to choose between us, and I do really like Natasha. My issue has always been I felt second best to her, like I would never measure up to how amazing she is. The fact that you do have that history with Natasha, I questioned…everything.”

Bucky feels his heart break. Now he finally understand to what extent he did hurt her and God does he hate himself for it. 

Bucky pulls Ainslee down to lay with him on the bed, and instinctively she curls up in his side. He closes his eyes, taking in just how perfectly she fits with his body.

“I dreamed of you, while I was…” Bucky begins his confession

She turns her head up to look at him, “Really?”

His eyes fill with tears as he nods, “You died. It was you who got hurt and died because I saved Natasha and let you get shot. I dreamed that I had to bury and walk away to try and live without you in my life, but I couldn’t do it. And then, I was forced to relive the same day over and over again. Dreaming that you had come back to me, that you still loved me, only to fall asleep and have you ripped away from me all over again.”

Ainslee feels herself begin to tear up as well, “Oh Bucky…” 

Shaking his head, “No,” he starts, “it made me realize something. It made me realize just how wrong I truly was. I do not want Natasha, I do not want anyone else. Only you; you are my girl, my only girl. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would. I would do things right and anything that happened between Natasha and I, wouldn’t happen.” 

His arms tighten around her, pulling her as close to him as possible, ignoring all pain in his body.

“Ainslee, will you please allow me the chance to try and make things right? I know I fucked up, but I can’t lose you. I do not care where we start but I need for us to have an ending together. I will do anything you ask of me, I promise.”

Cupping his cheeks, Ainslee lightly pecks his lips, “I make no promises, and I do not want for you to make any either. But I would like for us to try and work things out. I do not need promises, I need to see proof that things will change before. I do love you Bucky, I just need to know, not in words but in actions, that you still love me.”

Bucky presses his lips to her forehead. There were no more words to say, and slowly Bucky falls back asleep with her presence surrounding him. Now he does not mind the dreams, because he knows when he wakes, Ainslee with still be there.

‘I wish I could fall asleep forever like this, I wake with her presence still… Although I hope I don’t dream again, Like today, it seems I fall asleep with her presence… my love’ - Super Junior K.R.Y “In My Dream”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment or kudos letting me know what you think!


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